I am bullheaded...about fairness

Let's have a discussion about being bullheaded. I will admit I am bullheaded but I really can't help it - it's genetic - it runs in the family. My mother is the queen of being bullheaded (but she does it in a soft spoken manner), I am bullheaded, my daughter is bullheaded and my grandson is bullheaded (he is the king of bullheadedness). So, genes being what they are, we really can't help it.

But, I have come to a conclusion - being bullheaded isn't all that bad. I feel there are two types of bullheadedness. One - you want power, control. Two - you don't want someone walking over you. So, if you are being bullheaded for #2, then that is not so bad. You have to stand up for yourself because no one else is going to do it. But, if you are being bullheaded for #1, then there might be a slight problem.

For example, I have a dear friend named Robin. She asked me to take her to SA and she said she would buy my dinner and some Krispy Kreme doughnuts (she knows how to get me to say yes, just dangle Krispy Kreme's in front of me). So, I agreed and off we went on our adventure. It was my pleasure taking her just so I could get out of the county and she and I spend some gossip time together. Well, we got to Krispy Kreme. She asked what I wanted. Well, I wanted two dozen of those suckers and I didn't feel like she should have bought me that many. I know she said she would buy me some, but I am sure she didn't count on two dozen. I guess the normal person would have just taken the one dozen - but, I wanted two dozen (hey, it's not like we live near the place - we have to drive to get those delicious morsels). So, I proceed to tell her that I will buy my own doughnuts (yep, trying to be nice and save her some money). She says that she told me she would buy me some and she is going to buy me some! I told her that I didn't want any unless she took my money. She called me bullhead. She took my money - I got my two dozen and when I got home, there was the money in between the two boxes.

In my opinion, this is a case of being bullhead #1. I wanted the power, the control over the situation. I thought I was being nice and trying to think of her, but when it comes right down to it, I wanted the control over the situation. I wanted the power over the doughnuts!! I won't bring up that she was kind of bullheaded too :)

Here at work, I got into a battle of wits with someone and Robin said that she thought this other person was more bullheaded than I am. That is what got me to thinking. I know this other person is only after a power-trip..wants all the control. Then I felt guilty over the way my bullheadedness was with Robin. Then I got to thinking that being bullheaded might not be all bad - you need it to keep people from walking all over you. If I didn't stand up to this person at work, then they would keep just walking all over me.

This person and I discussed fairness. I believe in fairness - I strive for fairness and it would nice if everyone strived for it too. When I brought up the point of this person being unfair, the answer was "life is not fair." Don't you get tired of hearing "life is not fair"? Of course it's not but that doesn't mean we have to sit here and not fight for fairness. Look at Rosa Parks!! When she was told to get up out of her seat on the bus, she could have thought, "oh boo hoo, life is not fair"; but, NO, she knew life is not fair and she decided to do something about it!!

So, being bullheaded isn't such a bad thing. It has its good side and its bad side - just like people.

I think perfect objectivity is an unrealistic goal; fairness, however is not. Michael Pollan

Fairness is what justice really is. Potter Stewart

Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Fairness is not an attitude. It's a professional skill that must be developed and exercised. Brit Hume